


Competitive Nature

by LouLa



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Multi, Mutual Masturbation, OT5, Penis Measuring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-30
Updated: 2012-06-30
Packaged: 2017-12-09 07:35:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/771677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LouLa/pseuds/LouLa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe it is weird, but it still seems almost normal for them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Competitive Nature

**Author's Note:**

> Because during that dumb Twitter Q&A yesterday, Louis just went ahead and confirmed that measuring his penis is something he's done. And then, as usual, Lyn was perfect and this ridiculousness happened.

When Harry walks in, he doesn't really know what to think.

“It's– It's not what it looks like,” Louis stutters hurriedly.

“Um.” Dubiously, Harry looks from Louis to Niall and back to Louis again. And yeah, okay, maybe it's not? But Louis's got his dick out, it's half hard, and he'd clearly been wanking up until the point that Harry had walked in. And Niall, well, he's no better off, a hand stuffed down the front of his jeans, his face ripe red even before he'd noticed Harry in the room. “I don't see how this could be anything but exactly what it looks like.”

“It's not,” Niall confirms, hastily pulling his hands from his pants. The bulge at the front of his jeans is extremely obvious and Harry has to force himself to blink in order to look away.

“Really,” he says sceptically.

“Nope. We were–” Louis cuts himself off, looking left, then right, and down to his pants bunched up at his knees. His hand is still sort of half curled around his cock and he doesn't seem to know whether he should let go of it or not. He must decide though, as he leans back on his other elbow and gives himself a lazy stroke. “We were having a bit of a competition, actually. You want in, Hazza?”

“What? A what?” Harry asks. “Like, first one to come does the dishes sort of thing?”

“Nah,” Louis replies easily, followed by Niall's slightly more insistent, “ _No_.”

Harry glances at Niall and says, “Okay,” waiting for an elaboration.

It's not really that he cares so much what they're doing, or that he's at all bothered by it. Sex is sex, as long as it's consensual, Harry's happy ― whether he's involved or not. But Louis had been the one to offer up the information, and now Harry's curious.

Eventually, Louis pipes up. “More like a comparison, I suppose. Niall thinks his dick is bigger than mine, which he is obviously mistaken about.”

“Oh,” Harry says, nodding. That makes sense. “And you want to add me to the mix? Are you certain? You already know I'll win.”

“Not a chance, Curly,” Louis replies breezily, shuffling around to make himself more comfortable. “We all know you're a show-er, not a grow-er.”

Niall laughs, and he still looks a little uneasy, like he's not entirely sure this is really okay, but the tension seems to melt away at Harry's mock glare in his direction.

“You _do not_ know. You're on, little man,” Harry goads.

“Why don't you put your mouth where my hand is, Styles,” Louis quips back. “Bone up or shut up.”

Harry laughs to that, stripping his shirt over his head and shoving his joggers down enough to step out of them. He falls onto the bed between Louis and Niall and grins at each of them in turn before wrapping a hand around his already interested cock.

“Admit it, my cock's not only bigger than both of yours, it's also better,” Harry boasts airily, giving them both smug looks.

Louis stares openly at Harry's cock. “I'll be honest, Harry. I'm not all that impressed.”

“I'm hurt. Deeply, deeply hurt,” Harry says, offended.

“You will be, once I'm done with you,” Niall mutters.

Harry throws his head back in a laugh while Louis gives Niall a high-five over the top of him.

Louis isn't exactly wrong, though. Harry doesn't get that much bigger when he's hard. Admittedly, Harry is a little impressed as he wraps a hand around the base of his cock to hold himself upright while Louis does the same, and from the look of things, there's really not that much difference unless girth counts ― which it does, Harry will argue that point until Louis gives in and admits that Harry wins. Besides that, he's still bigger than Harry expected.

“Sorry to bring the bad news, boys, but I've got you both beat,” Niall says, drawing their attention.

Harry is disbelieving right up until Niall slides down the fly on his jeans and half of his cock juts out from the opening. As he shuffles his trousers down his arse, Harry stares, surprised, and by the sound of it, Louis's a bit shocked too, nearly choking on his tongue.

“Jesus, who'd have thought?” Louis looks as though he doesn't even want to blink, let alone glance away.

Niall smirks. He's not overly big, really. Louis and Harry are both larger than average, and Niall is bigger than both of them, but probably not by a lot. Still, it's enough that they can tell just by looking anyway. Louis' got a firm grip on himself, and Harry can see the bead of moisture that his thumb catches and spreads around. He grins at that, raising an eyebrow to Louis.

“Shut it,” Louis mutters.

“Should've known you'd be a size queen,” Harry teases lightly, smiling wider when Louis glares.

They're just like, staring at each other's cocks and casually wanking themselves when the door opens and Zayn walks in. He freezes in the doorway, eyes widening before he's just looking at them with genuine amusement.

“I don't even want to know,” he says.

Harry kicks his feet out in Zayn's direction. “We're comparing cocks,” he explains, despite Zayn's request. He's a liar, of course he wants to know. “Niall's winning. Can you believe that shit has such a nice cock on him?”

Zayn shakes his head. “This is the weirdest band,” he mutters to himself. “I'll go get Liam.”

Harry's confused for a second, but Louis cackles and yells after him, “This is why I love you best, Zayn.”

And oh. Oh. Zayn's not going to get Liam to make them stop what they're doing. It's likely that's what Liam will try to do, but he should be a part of this too, if they're doing it. His disapproval will be fun, at the very least, even if they can't get him out of his pants.

“What is this about? Why are you looking at me like that?” Liam is asking, staring at Zayn with a look of bemused worry as Zayn ushers him along.

Liam looks at them all then, a greeting dying on his lips as he takes in the room. He turns around quickly, back towards the door he just came through but Zayn is there, leaned against it with his hands already opening his trousers.

“Um,” Liam says, and Harry laughs because it had been his same reaction, though Liam takes it step further as he claps first one hand, and then the other, over his eyes. “Will someone please let me know when everyone's got their trousers back on?”

It's a foolish move, really, making himself vulnerable like that. Zayn smirks and steps forward, slipping a finger into the gap at Liam's waistline where his shirt has ridden up. Liam gasps, dropping his hands to _glower_ disapprovingly at Zayn. Zayn only grins wider, tugging on the waistband of Liam's loose trousers.

“It's an inter-band dick comparison. Niall's winning,” Zayn explains earnestly. “Pretty sure I lose, but this is too good to miss.”

Liam looks down to where Zayn's cock is out and frowns slightly. “You have a lovely penis, Zayn. It's not the size that matters–”

“Yeah, yeah,” Zayn cuts him off. “My cock is lovely, I know, now show us yours.”

“This is really weird,” Liam says, grimacing. “I don't think it's a good idea.”

“Come on, mate,” Louis chimes in. “It's not that weird. It'll be weirder if you're the only one without your cock out.”

“That's peer pressure,” Liam grumbles.

“It's just our cocks,” Harry says. Which isn't entirely true, not with how they're all still hard, despite how it's gotten a bit awkward, and Louis, he's so into this he looks like he's about ready to come all over himself, and Niall is looking at each of them expectantly, and Zayn definitely seems a bit too invested in getting Liam out of his clothes. Harry's quite content himself. Maybe it is weird, but it still seems almost normal for them.

Liam is blushing when he starts to fiddle with his waistband. He takes a deep breath before shoving them down, and then stays bent over for a half of an awkward minute while they're all waiting eagerly.

“Fuck,” Niall mutters, while Louis exclaims, “Well then!”

If it's possible, Liam blushes harder. “Are we just saying the biggest of us wins, because I think really, if we actually took out a ruler and figured it, Niall would still win as he's quite a lot shorter than me and quite large there and all so,” he rambles, shifting his feet.

“Bloody fuck, Liam. You win. That's impressive,” Niall says.

Liam just looks uncomfortable, while Zayn looks quite the opposite of that, nearly drooling on himself.

“Has anyone ever actually taken you all the way in their mouth?” Harry asks.

“Harry would love to try,” Louis adds quickly.

Liam chokes and Harry makes a sound that isn't exactly a denial. But really, he knows there's no way he could take it all ― still, he's not opposed to trying, though Liam seems to be, and Zayn doesn't appear all that open to the idea either.

Everyone goes quiet then, and unsurprisingly, it's Louis that breaks the silence, saying, “Fuck this.”

His hand is working furiously over his own cock, and well, that's just... That changes things a little. Before, they'd at least had a guise, even if it had been paper thin to begin with. It was there and made everything a bit more comfortable. Comparing cocks was just the natural thing for blokes to do, obviously, but wanking together...

Harry's not complaining, but he doesn't want anything to get weird. “First one to come does the dishes this month.”

And there, that makes it something. A competition again. Just that, nothing more. They all seem to agree, the tension seeping from the room as they all start jerking themselves.

“Want me to suck you, Ni? I bet I could take it all,” Harry whispers to his left.

Niall stiffens, the muscles in his stomach going taut. “Fuck,” he bites out, shooting over the curl of his fingers.

Harry laughs, relieved. He just didn't want to come first, is all. Now he's good. “That's cheating, that, it doesn't count,” Niall shouts, punching Harry in the shoulder.

“It counts,” Harry assures him, bucking up into his own fist. He's distracted by the bed jostling and then Louis is rolled half on top of him, coming messy all over Harry's belly. “What, Louis, jesus, what're you,” Harry gasps.

Louis simply keeps going, staying right where he is, breathing into Harry's shoulder until he's finished, and then rolling back over with a relaxed sigh and a smile. “I like this shirt, and you aren't wearing one,” he says, like that's explanation enough.

Groaning, Harry looks up to see Liam and Zayn surreptitiously glancing at each other as they wank themselves off. Neither seems to notice, but Harry does, and that's it. He moans as his head tilts back against the bed and he adds to Louis' come.

“There you go, love. See? Much better than ruining my shirt,” Louis is saying. Harry only agrees because he's all lax and tired and Louis is doing the cleanup with some tissues so he can't exactly complain.

“Niall's doing the dishes all month,” Harry mumbles, letting Louis drag him up the bed.

“I didn't agree to that. I never agreed,” Niall protests loudly.

“Niall's dick is bigger than yours, you do the dishes,” Louis says, to which Harry swats him halfheartedly in the chest.

“My dick is bigger than everyone's and I'll still be the one doing the dishes.” Liam doesn't sound amused, but they all snort a tired laugh anyway.

“I came last, I'm not doing them,” Zayn says.

“But your dick is the smallest.” Harry doesn't mean it harshly, he's just saying, since this is a fair competition, after all. Still he gets a punch in the knee ― which _hurts_ , thanks so much, Niall ― and Liam using his soft, quiet, reassuring voice saying, “We love your dick, it's really nice. Harry's doing the dishes because he's rude and this was all his idea anyway.”

“It was not,” Harry says, kicking at the lump at the end of the bed where Liam and Zayn have apparently decided to cuddle.

“It is. It was all Harry's idea,” Louis mumbles against Harry's neck, backed by Niall's, “Yeah.”

“Liars, all of you,” Harry yawns, ignoring the fact that it sounded more like he said ' _I love you_ ' than what he'd really meant to say.

But he can't help the smile that stretches his lips at the exhausted replies of ' _love you_ ' he gets in return.


End file.
